I had every intention of jumping back on my little platform yesterday to share with the world all the wonderful things going on in my life. Okay, lets be honest, by "the world" I am referring to the 2 people who read this. Anyways, the plan was to just fill you all in on my weekend and all the fun I had but instead I found something out that just left me feeling a little odd. I found out that my ex boyfriend of a very LONG time ago was engaged. This person has not been in my life for many years but, for some reason, it was still hard to hear. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have feelings of jealousy or even wishing that was me, it was a weird feeling that I am having a hard time putting into words.
This guys was the last person I dated and the last person I loved. I say this knowing that I will fall in love again and I will look back realizing that wasn't even real love, however, I did love him at the time. I had a really hard time with the break up and it took some good cries to finally move on. I did eventually move on, as we always do. I hadn't thought about it for a long time until it was announced all over FB that he was engaged. Hearing that news turned into a moment of flashbacks of memories and emotions that I hadn't thought about in a long time.
When I got home last night both my roommates asked me how I was doing and, surprising even myself, I cried. Like I said, I hadn't cried over this in years and I was so overwhelmed with emotion I think it was just how my body reacted. I realized that I was in a place I had just never imagined and hearing this news brought back so many memories of where I had been at one place in my life.
I think part of the reason I cried was just the feeling of totally closing a chapter on my life, my youth, that may have been left open unnoticeable. Another reason I cried was that hearing that made me feel so alone. I don't know why I felt that way because I am surrounded by friends and family all the time. To be honest, I am literally never alone. I know I am single right now, but it has never really bothered me. I think sometimes when you hear things like that, especially someone that you knew, you can't help but reflect on your own love life. However, in the end I realized I wasn't sad, I wasn't hurt, I wasn't angry, I was just crying.
After a good cry and little chat with the two best roommates I was over it. I just need my moment of emotional reflection and then it passed. Like I said, I can't put into too many words what I was feeling but it felt good to just cry it out. I woke up today not even thinking about anything that happened yesterday.
It felt good to start over.
Love, love, love
Bridge
